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Nosey Vet

A woman brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to the veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming.
She loved the puppies so much that she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits.

As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, the vet realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. He turned on the water faucet, wet his fingers, and moistened each dog's head when he had finished. After the fourth puppy, he noticed his talkative client had grown silent.

As he sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized."

Why Your Vet Bill Is So High

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, sniffing the poor dog on the table and checking him out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said "WOOF"

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who walked around the poor dog several times and then sadly shook his head and said, "MEOW," then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

The veterinarian said, "There's nothing more I can do" and handed the man a bill for $600.

The dog's owner went postal. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook his head sadly and explained, "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan...... 

Seeking Companionship

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."

Callers found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight-week-old black Labrador!

Top Ten Ways to Know You Probably Have Enough Dogs
1. Your furnace repairman asks when the last time your air filter was vaccinated for rabies.

2. The dust bunnies under the china cabinet can be heard growling at the vacuum cleaner. If you manage to blow them out of hiding, they are sometimes mistaken for Lhaso Apsos.

3. The Lawn Green salesmen skip your house when promoting their service in your neighborhood

4. Your closet reveals a year around wardrobe rich in tweeds and herringbones. You have wondered if that 'winter camoflage' the kids were wearing wouldn't make a good Canine Camo and if anyone is making furniture throws out of it yet.

5. A fence to fence cement patio is being considered as a viable alternative to grass seed in the back yard.

6. You have reserved parking with your own name tag at the local Petco, Petsmart, Chow Hound or Pet Supplies Plus stores, but the carry out kids disappear when they see you coming.

7. Your vet's phone number is number one on your speed dial if you don't have children, number two behind the pediatrician if you do, and your mother-in-law was bumped in favor of the pet sitter months ago.

8. Your snow shovel and bamboo rake are both in year around use as a pooper scooper.

9. You've contemplated the contents of the lint filter on your dryer and wondered why you waste your time grooming dogs.

10.Viewing these contents, you just know there's a market for Colliester sweaters, Chowchilla coats and OES yarns and wonder why Martha Stewart doesn't have a show on Animal Planet yet.

 


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